Periplul meu matinal la birou începe cu o doză de tabloide, administrată pe creierul gol. Nu mă înţelegeţi greşit, m-aş şterge la cur cu nesaţ, cu fiecare în parte, dacă nu aş risca să-mi rămână particule minuscule din faţa Danielei Crudu acolo (cine dracu o fi şi asta, ştiu doar că era pe copertă şi că avea toate ţâţele din sectorul 1). Sau serife din textul reclamei cu “Erecţii 4 zile, garantat”, care inundă presa de gen (apropos, io nu cred că am avut 4 zile de erecţii, dacă le însumez pe toate de până acum, şi ăştia le dau la cutie). Dar cantitatea de informaţie valoroasă pe care o poţi acumula e nepreţuită.
Răsfoind, am dat de ştirea asta. Se pare că în Nepal există o tradiţie veche de câteva secole: şeful statului nu pleacă în nicio vizită oficială dacă nu e condus şi luat de la aeroport de 5 virgine. Cinci.
Am pus mâna pe telefon direct şi l-am sunat pe Ram Baran Yadav, domnul care are Nepalul în locaţie de gestiune. Surprinzător, am conversat într-o română impecabilă, care l-ar fi făcut pe Pruteanu să facă un moonwalking de fericire.
Lejereanu: Să trăiţi, de la Lejereanu vă deranjăm.
Yadav: Neaţa. Spuneţi repede vă rog, că sunt la o lecţie de sitar.
Lejereanu: Umblă vorba că aţi renunţat la cele 5 virgine însoţitoare. Ce s-a întâmplat , de fapt?
Yadav: Domnule dragă. Ca orice virgine, începuseră să vorbească numai despre saga Twilight şi ultimul single Pink. Şi nenorocirea aia, cum îi zice…Sudoku! Devenise obositor. Aşa sunt eu mai de modă veche, încă mănânc ochi de oaie la micul dejun, de exemplu.
Lejereanu: Am înţeles. Ar mai fi o întrebare.
Yadav: Vă rog…
Lejereanu: De ce în loc de 5 virgine nu s-au ales 5 dame versate în ale amorului? N-ar fi făcut mai relaxantă deplasarea la şi de la aeroport?
Yadav: 5….târfe?
Lejereanu: Asta sugeram.
În momentul ăsta domnul Yadav a început să scandeze ceva în tibeto-burmană şi să hohotească subţire. Convorbirea s-a întrerupt câteva momente mai târziu. Probabil că ideea mea îi surâsese.
Trecând peste senzaţia că aş putea schimba istoria unei naţiuni cu o sugestie umilă, m-am gândit că n-ar strica să preia şi Băsescu tradiţia asta cu însoţitoarele neprihănite. Doar că la ultimul recensământ, în România mai rămăseseră 4 virgine, dintre care 2 surori siameze.
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